I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
