Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
