I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
