My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
