Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
P.S. I can't hear my feet
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
