Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize