Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
