i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
