I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
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my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
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I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize