I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
what day is it and did you see me today?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
