the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I can't put those talents on a resume
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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