What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
