mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
My dick has a subreddit
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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