I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
My first STD was from a foam party
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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