His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
His nipple licking is glorious
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