We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
