Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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