i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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