i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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