just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Shame - the story of my life.
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