Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
