Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
