i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
