She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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