She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
