did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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