we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
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He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
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its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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