I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
