I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Randomize
