cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
