just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
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He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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