I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
