so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
