ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
FUCK WHALES
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
