just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
it's great music for shaving your balls
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
