She's JV to your varsity
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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