then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
