I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
