Buhtt sex?
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
