just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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