I like my sex mixed with concussions.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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