I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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