It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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