i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
