South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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