And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
