apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
