Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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