i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
