went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
