tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
