ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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