You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
