Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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