I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
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