4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
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