Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
