I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize