whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
