Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
