Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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